In early December, I ordered custom holiday cards and booklets for friends. I used Shutterfly, a website I have happily used to make family calendars, books, and gifts through the years.

On December 3, I created and ordered my holiday cards from Shutterfly. I paid for regular shipping on this item, and Shutterfly sent them via UPS. They arrived on Saturday, December 12. A bit longer than usual, but ‘tis the season and all that.

On December 4, I ordered my booklets from Shutterfly. I paid $34.99 for “expedited shipping” for these items. Imagine my surprise when I checked their website and discovered that my “expedited” package was to be delivered by the Mail Destructor Louis DeJoy, who has single-handedly tried to demolish the United States Postal Service. Can someone explain the logic of this to me?

I began looking for this item after I received the holiday cards, but nothing showed up. I called customer service, which is located somewhere abroad. I spent hours on the phone asking why an item I paid to have expedited was sent by the snailiest of snail mail. I got no satisfaction from anyone. My goal was to have my $35 shipping fee credited back to me, since this was NOT fast delivery by anyone's measure.

I went back to the Shutterfly website which offers a tracking number for your order so you can follow its path. Here's what I found out. My booklets are on a journey far more extensive than any I've been on this year.

The booklets were ordered on December 4, 2020. On December 5 at 7:52 p.m., pre-shipping info was sent to the USPS. The USPS was then awaiting the item in Fort Mill, South Carolina. On December 9 at 8:34 p.m., the package arrived at the USPS processing center in Columbia, South Carolina.

The game was afoot! The official report says that on December 10 my package was “in transit to the next facility” as it was on December 11, 12, and 13. It arrived at the USPS processing facility at White Plains, NY on December 14 at 8:13 p.m. Perhaps it took so long because it was being carried in the knapsack of someone walking the Appalachian Trail.

Yet this seemed like a hopeful sign. I tried to figure out where it might go after that. White Plains to Albany and then perhaps to me? How many regional processing facilities are there?

The tracking report said that my package had been processed through the USPS facility at White Plains at 12:13 a.m. on December 15. Then the reports for December 16, 17, and 18 said that my package was “in transit to the next facility.”

And then we have a slight gap in our timeline. The next message on my tracking report, hand to God, reads “December 28, 5:56 p.m.: Arrived at USPS Regional Facility, Little Rock, Arkansas.” Where those booklets were hiding out for ten days and how the heck they ended up in Little Rock is a mystery for the ages.

And that's where the record ends. I've yet to receive my booklets, and the folks at Shutterfly are telling me that they can't do anything for me until after I receive the package, which at this rate, may not be until mid-2021.

Congratulations, Louis DeJoy! Your mission to destroy the USPS has been successful!