It’s a long time since I’ve been invited to a wedding. So long that I suspect people don’t really want me at their weddings and probably for good reason. I can be socially awkward and might even say or do the wrong thing. It’s been known to happen. Even my nieces (two of them) have not invited me to their own weddings. However, I’ve since refined my social skills to a simple smile and nod of the head. Fear not! 

I received a postcard type ‘save the date’ invitation with a picture of the bride and groom on the front. I’ve known the bride since she was about seven years old. She looks so happy in the picture and I am happy for her that she’s found someone to marry. But where is the little stamped envelope with the tiny card where one checks either attending or not attending? 

In the past, this handy item usually came inside a thick, cream-colored card with curly script explaining all the details of the special day. The card typically also contained a thin sheet of tissue paper to differentiate between said card, the one you keep, and the RSVP mini-note that gets sent back. On the back of this newfangled postcard are lodging details and a dot com. And so the adventure in contemporary wedding invites begins. 

I check out the dot com figuring there’d be a way to RSVP there. Nope. But there is a registry filled with practical gift selections like pots and pans, glass food containers, cutting boards, etc. all geared toward making a lovely new home for a pair of newlyweds. I must confess, I want all of these items.

In my head, I start selecting several presents that I’ll get for the blissful couple, but I don’t know when or how to order. In the olden days, you went to a store and the rule was that you had a year to get a wedding gift and that year extended beyond the wedding date. I won’t wait that long. I’ll somehow get the gifts before the wedding. Sill no one knows we’re even coming to the wedding so I FB message the bride wondering if it’s taboo.

I tell the bride that we’ll be attending and mention that I went to the dot com but couldn’t find a place to RSVP so I hope “you don’t mind that I am messaging you.” Already I think that I will be uninvited because I obviously don’t know how this is done anymore. I get a heart back. That’s it. Just a heart that says I love you, but doesn’t confirm my seat.

The next day, I get a second message from the bride that indicates they’ll be sending another invitation with an RSVP card. That’s good because I’ve already said we’ll go and I don’t know any of the details. I lose sleep thinking the party will be wild and go until midnight. I don’t do midnight anymore, but I’ll wait for the second invite hoping it will reveal sound hours.

“It’s gonna be a fun wedding celebration party, more than a wedding,” notes the bride. I’m intrigued, but not too sure what ‘more than a wedding’ means. What could possibly be more than a wedding? If I’m not already uninvited because of this column, I’ll go and find out. In the meantime, I look forward to the next invite to see how close or far flung it is from the old school invitations. I love learning new things, keeping up with pop culture and young people. I wonder: will there be dancing?

RAMONA JAN is the Founder and Director of Yarnslingers, a storytelling group that tells tales both fantastic and true. She is also the roving historian for Callicoon, NY and is often seen giving tours around town. You can email her at callicoonwalkingtours@gmail.com.