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Random Thoughts

Turn of the screw

Hudson Cooper
Posted 9/17/21

The other day I noticed that one of the screws holding my computer table had come loose. I went to the place in my house where most of us keep our tools. Oh, I am sure many of you have a neatly …

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Random Thoughts

Turn of the screw

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The other day I noticed that one of the screws holding my computer table had come loose. I went to the place in my house where most of us keep our tools. Oh, I am sure many of you have a neatly arranged tool area in your basement or garage.

All the tools are neatly arranged by type. Hammers, pliers, saws and clamps are each in their own bins. You may even be one those Felix Unger types that have a large pegboard on the wall with each drill, wrench and chisel neatly hung up surrounded by an outline, so you know where to put it back after you finish building that gazebo or breakfast nook.

I am not one of those organized guys. I keep my basic tool in the kitchen junk drawer next to a bag of rubber bands and a plastic container of paperclips all somehow linked together that would require a magician to separate them. Pushing all that aside, I grab my basic tool, my trusty, somewhat rusty screwdriver and head back to my computer table.

After one failed attempt to tighten the loose screw, I realized it required a Phillips head screwdriver which I once owned. I know I used to have one because I often used it to punch open a bag of Fritos.

After propping up my table with nine volumes of Encyclopedia Britannica, I had an epiphany. At first, I thought it was gas, but it was just an epiphany. I realized that the salesman who sold my parents the encyclopedia many years ago was correct. I have not opened any volume since my old Commodore 64 introduced me to searching the internet. But as the salesman promised, there will always be a use for the encyclopedia.

Another epiphany struck me soon thereafter and luckily for me an epiphany is lightweight, so it did not hurt. I remembered an idea I had years ago regarding printers and buying the required ink. If I owned a printer company, I would give them away. No competitor could compete against free merchandise. Canon would explode. Hewlett would Packard up their factory and go out of business.

How would my company make money by giving away printers? The answer is simple…ink. My printers would be built so that they only could be used with my brand of ink cartridges. Think about the initial cost of the printer in your house. I bet that you have spent ten times the cost of that printer for ink.

My company, called INK, Inc., would be very prosperous thanks to the colors black, yellow, cyan and magenta. Magenta was also the 4th ship sailing with Columbus that returned to Spain when the crew learned that they had run out of gruel and rum.

To my readers, the encyclopedia thing and ink concept were more memories than an epiphany. But if you churn up some memories and add some spice, such as a pinch of cyan, you can get an epiphany.

Not having a Phillips head screwdriver gave me inspiration. There are over 60 types of screws. Most of them require a screwdriver with a specific point to fit into the slot, known as the drive, in the head. So here is my real epiphany. Start a company that gives away screws for free! All sizes and shapes for metal, PVC or wood.

You ask how that would be profitable? Here’s the gimmick. The drive of my screw would not be a straight indentation. It will not be an octagon nor diamond shape either. Each drive would have a unique indentation shaped like the letter “H.”

To be able to use my gift of free screws, you would have to buy my unique, patented, yet pricy screwdriver with the protruding H. If you are one of those people who use a motorized device, you would have to buy my drill bit with the H.

It may seem like a screwy idea, but my unique device would be called a screwturner because it turns the screw. A hammer drives a nail.

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