“Ma’am, ma’am!” called the boy from behind the deli counter. Obviously, he was looking for some old woman and if only he could find her, I’d be next in line. In an …
“Ma’am, ma’am!” called the boy from behind the deli counter. Obviously, he was looking for some old woman and if only he could find her, I’d be next in line. In an effort to help, I looked left and then right. There was no one in sight so I turned completely around and still no one was there.
“Ma’am!” he reprimanded. Finally, I threw both hands in the air and shrugged as if to say, where could she be? That’s when he handed me a sandwich—turkey and Swiss on a wrap—my sandwich. He was talking to me.
With one defining word, ma’am, I was suddenly ushered into the third act of life coincidentally dressed for the occasion in Earth shoes, parachute pants, bed head and all. How is it that only yesterday I had thought of myself as a coquettish miss? Apparently, I was slowly fermenting and there was no way of wrangling out of it.
According to an internet search, “aging is a gradual, continuous process of natural change that begins in early adulthood.” Early adulthood?! Who knew?! Furthermore, “people do not become old or elderly at any specific age.” Phew! That’s good news. But (and there’s always a ‘but’) “traditionally, age 65 has been designated as the beginning of old age.” What!?!?! Why?
If, like me, you’ve been oblivious of how far over the hill you’ve already hiked, here’s a check list to help you evaluate your climb:
You know you’re a senior when…
Once you’ve got some footing in the aging process, becoming a senior is not all that bad. It even has its benefits like talking old-timey trash just to annoy folks: Hey, you look happy as a clam, you must be feelin’ groovy; Of course, I’ll be there with bells on, you dunderhead; What a fussbudget—let’s get going, you’re giving me ajida! Now that I’m older, I’m finally claiming myself, the real me. I think it’s called arriving and if the price is being called ma’am, well, lay it on, bozo!