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Ramona's Ramblings

You know you’re a senior when…

Ramona Jan
Posted 9/21/21

“Ma’am, ma’am!” called the boy from behind the deli counter. Obviously, he was looking for some old woman and if only he could find her, I’d be next in line. In an …

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Ramona's Ramblings

You know you’re a senior when…

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“Ma’am, ma’am!” called the boy from behind the deli counter. Obviously, he was looking for some old woman and if only he could find her, I’d be next in line. In an effort to help, I looked left and then right. There was no one in sight so I turned completely around and still no one was there.

“Ma’am!” he reprimanded. Finally, I threw both hands in the air and shrugged as if to say, where could she be? That’s when he handed me a sandwich—turkey and Swiss on a wrap—my sandwich. He was talking to me.

With one defining word, ma’am, I was suddenly ushered into the third act of life coincidentally dressed for the occasion in Earth shoes, parachute pants, bed head and all. How is it that only yesterday I had thought of myself as a coquettish miss? Apparently, I was slowly fermenting and there was no way of wrangling out of it.

According to an internet search, “aging is a gradual, continuous process of natural change that begins in early adulthood.” Early adulthood?! Who knew?! Furthermore, “people do not become old or elderly at any specific age.” Phew! That’s good news. But (and there’s always a ‘but’) “traditionally, age 65 has been designated as the beginning of old age.” What!?!?! Why?

If, like me, you’ve been oblivious of how far over the hill you’ve already hiked, here’s a check list to help you evaluate your climb:

You know you’re a senior when…

  1. You can’t tell a man from a woman, especially when they’re working on the road crew.
  2. You hear “Bam” when someone says their name is Sam.
  3. You’ve set all your devices on the largest print.
  4. You speak your mind but mostly about the olden days.
  5. You are more concerned with daily fiber than long term fiber optics.
  6. Getting wet up to the hip is called swimming.
  7. You create a bucket list and then realize you better get on it.
  8. You’ve gained five pounds and your attitude is bring it on!
  9. You refuse to get the next ‘smart’ thingamajig because you don’t feel like going through another learning process.
  10. You’re getting copious amounts of robo-calls and snail mail regarding Medicare.
  11. You feel dizzy on a step stool.
  12. You see a game of bocce, checkers or horseshoes and get a sudden strong urge to join in.
  13. You think you’ve lost your eyeglasses when you’re actually wearing them.
  14. You’ve been talking, but can’t remember your point, and then you walk from one room to another and forget why.
  15. Your age range is curiously absent on surveys, applications and charts.
  16. You see advertisements for ‘seniors looking for love’ and it dawns on you that you are a senior and maybe you should apply.
  17. You start planning activities that occur outside of the home around available public bathrooms.
  18. Instead of the entertainment section of the newspaper, you first turn to the obituaries.
  19. You no longer recognize any celebrities including actors and musicians.
  20. You consider buying T-shirts with any one of the following slogans: “Don’t forget my senior citizen discount”; “My body knows how old I am, but my mind refuses to believe it”; “Over the hill? What hill? I didn’t see a hill!”

Once you’ve got some footing in the aging process, becoming a senior is not all that bad. It even has its benefits like talking old-timey trash just to annoy folks: Hey, you look happy as a clam, you must be feelin’ groovy; Of course, I’ll be there with bells on, you dunderhead; What a fussbudget—let’s get going, you’re giving me ajida! Now that I’m older, I’m finally claiming myself, the real me. I think it’s called arriving and if the price is being called ma’am, well, lay it on, bozo!

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