To the editor:

Since my wife tells me my hearing is going south, a full-page ad in the online paper caught my eye: it is promoting a miracle of a hearing aid that works from an implanted tiny micro-chip in the ear.

But I am concerned about how that chip might interact with the micro-chip that Bill Gates arranged to be inserted into my COVID vaccine. (I didn’t find out about that until after I reluctantly [my wife again] got the damn shots!)

I figure the ear chip will stay put, more or less, but I assume that Gates’ chip will circulate throughout my body…until its battery runs out, at least. But what might happen if the two somehow meet in my ear, at some point? Might that foul up not only my hearing but also other things? (The hearing aid costs almost $500!)

I especially wonder about this after I heard about Dr. Sherri Tenpenny’s revelation that the vaccine might have made me magnetized. I mean, if—as she testified to the Ohio legislature—vaccinated people can make spoons stick to their foreheads (wapo.st/3zi6G2j), could my hearing aid be pulled out of my ear by the magnetism and get stuck on my forehead? Or, could it go the other way and actually be pulled into my brain?

I’m considering using my stimulus check to buy the miraculous ear thing, but not until I get some more expert opinions. I’ll bet Dr. Faker Fauci doesn’t have answers to my questions. Or, he might say one thing today and something entirely different tomorrow.