I’m not one for making resolutions.

That’s because I usually don’t have good ones to make.

Like everyone, I promise to exercise more, cut down on wasteful spending and pick up a second language. Hola.

But I did make a few mistakes in 2023 and I know there are things I can work on in 2024:

• When the idiot light on my gas gauge says empty, instead of ignoring it like an idiot, I’m going to stop at the next gas station — no matter how much they charge.

• I’m going to give away anything I haven’t worn in the last two years.

• I’m going to start kayaking and biking - just as soon as I buy a kayak and a bike. 

• I’m going to eat more kale and less bagels.  

• I’m going to stop all the streaming services. All of them. Except Netflix. Cut them all. Yep, I’m ending all streaming services - except for Netflix and maybe Hulu. And Apple +. OK, I’ll get back to this one later. 

• I’ll never say that this is the year we’ll cut back on Christmas gifts.

• I’ll never assume the milk is good.

• I’ll never assume there’s an extra roll of toilet paper in the bathroom.

• I’ll try and remember that I’m talking on my cell phone when I wonder where I left my cell phone.

• I’ll never start searching for my eyeglasses until I first check my forehead.   

• I’ll never assume everyone knows when to “yield” at the roundabout. Here’s a clue: Yield when you come to the yield sign.

• I’ll never say, “It’s too early in the year for snow.”

• I’ll never say, “It’s too late in the year for snow.”

• I’ll never suggest that we take a day and clean out the basement. Or the attic. Or the shed.

• I’ll never get my hopes up that the Mets and Jets will have a winning season. But you know, I really like our chances in 2024.

• I’m going to come up with a better password for my social media pages, so I don’t have to keep clicking “Forget Password?” every time I want to log in. I wonder if I can use “Forget Password?”

• I’ll never again leave my eyeglass case — with my eyeglasses in it — on the roof of my car and then drive off.

• I’ll never tell my wife, “I don’t burn, I’ve got a dark complexion,” then smother Wesson all over my body and lie in the Florida sun for several hours so I can come home with a tan.

• I’m going to eat better and get a colonoscopy. Just not on the same day.

• I’m going to show more affection to Bitsy because she deserves it.

• I’ll try not to make fun of folks who have never seen a Marx Brothers movie. Or a Woody Allen movie but think that Will Ferrell is funnier than Steve Martin.

• I’ll never again say to a woman, “your hair looks … interesting.”

• I’ll never save another plastic container from the Chinese restaurant.

• I’m going to finally learn how to play the ukulele.

• I’m going to work real hard not to beep the horn at folks who don’t move after the light turns green. 

Don’t worry if you’ve already given up on your resolutions. You’re not alone. Researchers at the Fisher Business College say  that only 9 percent of Americans that make resolutions complete them. In fact, just 23 percent of people quit their resolutions by the end of the first week and 43 percent quit by the end of January.

Think I’ll make myself a bagel – just as soon as I find my glasses. Muy bien.

Barry Lewis is a longtime journalist and author who lives with his wife Bonnie in the Town of Neversink. He can be reached at      barrylewisscdemocrat@gmail.com.