Has anyone ever said to you, “You have a control problem!” If so, it was probably someone who was on the receiving end of your controlling. And yes, I’ve been told by some that I have a control issue and like to micro manage everything.

For many who have a problem with trying to control their lives, surroundings, circumstances, and others around them, the underlying cause is usually some form of past trauma. The trauma may have been from any number of things, including abuse, loss, illness, accidents, or anything that has left a feeling of not having any control over what happens to them.

When someone has lived through a season of trauma where their lives were spinning out of control, the natural end result is fear. Fear of the future, fear of what’s going to happen next, fear of getting hurt again, fear that the plans they had for their lives are now gone forever. 

The most common reaction to this kind of fear is control. We do all we can to try to control what we can so we feel like we have at least some control over something in our lives. But many get stuck there, and live out the rest of their lives in this control mode, afraid to let go and trust all will be well.

1 John 4:18 tells us that God’s perfect love casts out all fear. When we come to the realization of how much God loves us and receive that love, we can learn to trust Him to take care of us no matter what we face. The more we see God’s faithfulness to carry us through anything, we can learn to surrender control of our lives to Him and let go of the fear.

Having a control issue can not only hurt us, but also hurts others and even God. Feeling like we have to always be in control is a heavy burden to bear. We run ourselves ragged, overthinking everything, always worried if we made the right decisions. What will happen if we let down our guard? It leaves us weary, overburdened, and frustrated because we’re living out of our own strength.

Again, the only solution is to trust God that He loves us and surrender it all to Him. His plans for us are good, and He will work through us to help us to fulfill the plans He has for us, and fill us with His peace and contentment.

We also hurt others when we try to control them and run their lives. This is also not a burden we were meant to carry. When we push others to do what we want them to do, when and how we think is best, it can stifle their growth and even cause them to miss their God-given purpose. 

Everyone needs to be able to learn from their own mistakes, but that can’t happen if someone is controlling their lives. It doesn’t allow for failure, problem solving, and for them to seek God on their own for His instruction. We need to love others enough to let God work in their lives and stay out of His way.

1 John 5:3 says we show our love for God by obeying Him. If we are controlling our own lives, then God is not. But as we surrender control into His loving care, trusting Him and letting Him lead us, we show God that we do love Him enough to obey Him.

Hope Ministries is a Christian counseling center, and we are here to help. If you would like to speak confidentially with someone, give us a call at 845-482-5300.

Hope Ministries is a Christian counseling center, and we are here to help. If you would like to speak confidentially with someone, give us a call at 845-482-5300.