I should have been more on top of my game the day Ramona cooed into my ear, “you’re a good boy, Bosco”, while briskly carrying me toward the driveway because all of a sudden, she shoved me into a car window and onto the lap of a total stranger.  Yes, I was adopted out without any consultation, long good-byes or even proper interview of the new family. 

Within an hour and totally by chance, Ramona discovered that my new folk, Rachel and Bob, actually lived in Brooklyn and immediately abandoned me in their country house for an indeterminate amount of time.  This information really upset Ramona because I was accustomed to being with people and I’m a very sensitive guy so she set about getting me back.  

When I saw Ramona’s head bobbing up and down in each of the windows of my new home. Now I’ve always been a very quiet dude but something compelled me to jump into the window and let one of these rip: meeeeeoooow! 

Soon Ramona disappeared and I went back to sleep.  I was dreaming of killing, when I was abruptly awakened by the rattling of some break-in tools wielded, of course, by Ramona.  I just sat in the window nonchalantly cleaning my paws, wondering just how much jail time breaking and entering gets, until she vanished again.  Post haste, the phone began ringing every hour on the hour until way past midnight.  And the person calling (we won’t name names just initials, Ramona Jan) hung up each and every time.  Even if Rachel and Bob were home, what was she going to say to them at 2am?  That she missed me?  I can only guess that Ramona didn’t sleep much that night.  

Rachel and Bob came home late the next morning and no sooner were they in the door, when Ramona appeared accompanied by her daughter, Lucy. (Just a few years ago, I was Lucy’s Christmas present but she hasn’t said boo to me since she starting dating boys). 

Ramona, Lucy, Rachel and Bob awkwardly settled into the living room over tea as Ramona explained that Lucy was heartbroken over my adoption and that it wasn’t right for her to adopt me out without first consulting her daughter, and that they wanted me back.  I wandered around rubbing everyone’s legs except for Ramona’s.  Rachel and Bob took note of my behavior while Lucy went through their vintage record collection and completely ignored me.  Suddenly, Lucy gleefully announced that Rachel and Bob could keep me!  

There was a long moment of stunned silence followed by a fierce but friendly argument—Ramona vs. Lucy, Rachel and Bob.  Then I jumped right into Ramona’s lap—a game changer—but Rachel and Bob refused to give me back.  I was their cat now.  But they were first-time cat owners and therefore didn’t know that cat’s rule and the final decision, which I hadn’t yet made, would be entirely up to me.

Pros and cons: Pro-Rachel and Bob feed me constantly. Con-Ramona keeps very strict feeding times. Pro-Rachel gives me delicious little treats from foil packets. Con-Ramona disapproves of those treats because they have too many chemicals.  Pro-At Rachel and Bob’s I can claw the sofa and hop up on the kitchen table anytime I please. Con-When I tried those things at home; Ramona sprayed me with a water bottle.  

While everyone involved discussed my wellbeing, I used the couch as a scratching post, sprayed a bit here and there and then hopped on the kitchen table to lick the people breakfast.  Rachel instantly ran over and gave me a few of those chemical-laden treats. So I repeated the round just to make sure Ramona understood what to expect should I agree to be taken home. And then I made a fatal mistake. I looked directly into Ramona’s eyes and our gaze locked.  Call me crazy but I hopped right off that kitchen table and walked right into my cat carrier!  

Within a week of my departure, Rachel and Bob watched as a stranger pulled up to their house, circled past their doorstep and (just before driving off) dropped from the car window a small black kitten. That future Rastafarian feline was promptly adopted by Rachel and Bob. All in all I can forgive Ramona for trying to find me a better home because she’s always been highly allergic to me. And I will continue to put up with her as long as she promises never again to get my dander up.

RAMONA JAN is the Founder and Director of Yarnslingers, a storytelling group that tells tales both fantastic and true. She is also the roving historian for Callicoon, NY and is often seen giving tours around town. You can email her at callicoonwalkingtours@gmail.com.