We have all heard the saying, “Children are to be seen and not heard.” Many of us have been raised with this mindset, going back many generations. Children have not been given the value and worth they should have had.

You may have been raised under this premise if you ever heard your parents say things like: “Because I’m the parent and I say so.” “Do as I say, not as I do.” “I don’t want to hear any sass from you. Just do what I told you to do.”

Maybe you had some of these experiences while growing up. The children were watching television when adults came into the room and just switched the channel on them. Or the children were playing in a room and adults entered and told them to go play somewhere else now and keep it down. You were always being sent away.

It is a good and God-honoring thing for children to obey their parents. Ephesians 6:1-3 (NIV) says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’ – which is the first commandment with a promise – ‘so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’”

But God also has instructions for parents. Ephesians 6:4 (Amplified) says, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger [do not exasperate them to the point of resentment with demands that are trivial or unreasonable or humiliating or abusive; nor by showing favoritism or indifference to any of them], but bring them up [tenderly, with loving kindness] in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Colossians 3:21 adds after treating children tenderly with loving kindness, “so they will not lose heart and become discouraged or unmotivated [with their spirits broken].”

One of the effects of the mentality of children being seen and not heard is that it may cause a fear of rejection. Children who were not allowed to express their opinions or question their parents in anything grow up with a fear of getting in trouble if they open their mouths. For some, this has stolen their voices so as to avoid rejection.

Some become people pleasers. They may have never felt loved or valued as children, so their goal is to earn love by pleasing others. They have trouble making decisions and tend to go along with what others want rather than risking rejection. 

Some raised like this become angry, resentful and rebellious. They had no choice as children but to outwardly obey, but inwardly they were just waiting for the day when they could be out from the authority they resented, and eventually embraced full-blown rebellion.

God greatly loves children and Jesus welcomed children to come to Him in a culture that treated children with disdain. God also loves adults who have grown up without the proper love and nurturing they should have had. He desires to bring healing to these hurting hearts and pour out His unconditional love upon all.

So if you feel you are not worth loving or have no value, know that this is a lie that you no longer have to live under. Ask God to help you find your voice, as what you have to say is just as important as anyone’s. You are worth loving just as you are.

Hope Ministries is a Christian counseling center, and we are here to help. If you would like to speak confidentially with someone, give us a call at 845-482-5300.