When I first became a fan of stand-up comedy, I studied the very best. George Carlin was my Comedy 101 guide and helped shape my views of the genre. One of George's well-known bits was about phrases and sayings that are used in day-to-day life that make no sense. Here is an example he used (and I'm paraphrasing a bit). “They say the country is going down the tubes. What tubes? Have you seen any tubes? Where are these tubes and where do they go? And why is there more than one? Ya figure one country, one tube.” George was great.

I love out-of-the-box thinking for everything, so here are some similar phrases that make me think twice. “I can't believe it's gonna snow this week.” So, wait a minute, are you saying your brain is unable to process the fact that snow is in our immediate future? You live in upstate NY which is known for having all 4 seasons and now we are in the midst of one the coldest months. Is it beyond comprehension that the weather forecast can be true as you read it? Really?

Here's something that would be truly unbelievable if we New Yorkers heard it in December: “There is a Heat Advisory on Christmas, so remain indoors if you can and always remain hydrated. Also keep an eye on any elderly family members nearby and ensure they have access to air conditioning.” Now if I read that I could say with all sincerity, “I can't believe it!”

Another phrase we need to retire for several reasons is “a dime a dozen.” When something is so common or a market is oversaturated, we say it’s a dime a dozen. I know it has a ring to it but even with my low level math skills, this means said object would only cost less than a penny.   This is problematic for several reasons. Today, nothing costs less than a penny. Nothing. I went to Burger King for lunch last week and got a Whopper for lunch, no fries, no drink and it was $8.03. Yes, I have the receipt.  Whoppers are certainly not “a dime a dozen” and never were, though back in 1963 they originally sold for 37 cents. Even so-called “penny candy” costs $24 a pound these days.

I'm willing to take suggestions on a new phrase to replace this saying. Maybe we can start saying something is “five for fifteen.” Sounds pretty reasonable for the current economics of our daily life.  

While many of us view comedy as merely dad jokes or inappropriate ones you shouldn't tell, there is some real substance and knowledge that can be found if you know where to look within these funny bits. When someone tells me a story, I can usually connect it back to something witty I heard in a comedy act. You won't know unless you really look, and if you have looked deep into comedy and haven't learned any lessons about life, I have one response for you. “I can't believe it!”