Could someone give me some recommendations for a professional service person to perform this complicated task at my home that I cannot possibly do myself?

I’ve got a few requirements, of course. Nothing too big. Just a few tiny asks, really. 

Don’t put your name down unless you can meet them all.  

1. Must be reliable and show up on time. Can’t come on Mondays or Wednesdays or Fridays because I’m not home those days. Can’t come Saturdays either because that’s my family day. Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays would be best. Must come each of those days until the job is done.  

2. I don’t need to be paying an arm and a leg here. I already asked my cousin’s boyfriend’s nephew, and he said he can’t do it but it should be totally easy and shouldn’t cost me more than a couple bucks. And really, I’d do it myself, but I don’t know how or have any of the equipment.

3.  I repeat, should be REASONABLE – not like that guy who came by last week who said he’s been doing this very specialized job for 30 years and wanted me to pay for him to get a permit from my town’s code enforcement officer to do a job at MY house.    

4. Should be fully insured and have at least 15 years experience. 

5. Should only employ people who have at least 10 years experience. 

6. Needs to know how to handle hazardous materials and get rid of them for me. Don’t even think of charging me for the cost of disposal. Why should I pay for trash? It’s not like you’re keeping it. 

7. Must be able to share at least five references, including client’s email, personal cellphone number, home address, and bank. 

8. Needs to be able to start after 10 a.m. and quit before 2 p.m.

9. Can’t take forever to get the job done. I need it all finished before the end of next week. 

10. Should be able to start tomorrow. 

Sound familiar?

That’s why “I can’t get anyone to call me back.”